The Fashionista Diet

I remember starting fashion school and assuming that my classes would be full of stick figures munching on celery sticks, and being surprised--sort of relieved and aghast at the same time, really--to find that they generally subsisted entirely on things that came in snack-packs, soda cans and economy-size bags. But I figured that was just because most of them were kids who'd never lived on their own before and weren't used to surviving without Mommy's cooking. When I moved into my job at a fashion design behemoth, I figured I'd really be in for some Devil-Wears-Prada-style colleagues.

stick figures aren't into stick vegetables

Fat chance! Are most of my coworkers attractive, shapely and well-dressed? Uh, pretty much, yeah. Are they living off salads and competing over early-morning gym slots? Hardly. I've seen more McDonald's, In-N-Out and takeout Chinese than I have anything green or labeled "diet." Sure, the office mini-fridge is stuffed with people's little yogurts and string cheeses, but I never actually see people eating them. I don't know if The Devil Wears Prada made it up or if New York and Conde Nast is just a whole different scene from out here on the left coast...but man oh man, my fears of being guilty for occasionally eating carbs (a frequent occurrence at the posh shop where I used to work, and all the other girls ate solely tuna salad and kale from Whole Foods--yes, really) have been assuaged. I feel like it's sort of a behind-the-scenes secret, and I kind of love it.

In or Out? Mmm...both.

So, for all those who are looking for the miracle meal plan that keeps fashion designers so darn trim, try this time-tested routine:

1. Wake up. Spend too long picking out your clothes and run out of time for breakfast.
2. Hit the drive-thru on your way to work. Remember that your co-workers will be mad if you don't get them extra hash browns alongside your McMuffin.
3. Work at top speed once you've arrived at work. Walk up and down miles of corridors in calf-strengthening high heels.
4. When it nears 1pm, ask who's going to lunch. Join someone who's getting something mass-produced and preferably topped with melted cheese. Or fries. Maybe both. Unless it's Friday, special lunch day, when huge trays of fettucine alfredo or fried Thai noodles are carted in to the office to share.
5. As the afternoon wears on and your boss gets ever-shriller, dig into your emergency drawer with the giant-size bag of Fritos. Or chocolates.
6. Hope that someone's having a birthday party or a baby shower so that you can fill up on cupcakes, cinnamon buns and that fabulous pan dulce that the nice Mexican sewing ladies bring. Hello, free dinner! Oh, and don't forget your third Starbucks of the day.
7. Go home and watch Celebrity Fit Club. Gosh, those poor people. Is it really so hard to eat well?