[photo - dailymail.uk]I am not a fan of celeb stylist Rachel Zoe's at all. When I worked at Satine, her grody, scowling assistant would come clomping in all the time as if she owned the place (I had a secret theory that she got the most unappealing possible assistants just to make her look better when she walked next to them). Plus, the Satine honchos were willing to let Rachel borrow every damn thing in the store if she wanted to, which made for hours of work for the poor salesgirls when the stuff got returned a day or two later. PLUS, I enjoy believing Nicole Richie's claims that "raisin face" Rachel encouraged eating disorders and has one herself.
raisin face.Despite all of the above, however, I've found myself looking forward to the premiere of "The Rachel Zoe Project" on Bravo tonight. What's she REALLY LIKE? What's the madness behind the magic? Does she eat? Does blood run through her veins? So here I am, stationed on Ye Olde Sofa, ready to embark on a LIVE BLOGGING EVENT as I watch the first episode. I hope I either love or hate it, because it'll give me a new source of brain-squandering pleasure now that "Million Dollar Listing" is ending. I have no shame.
10:00 and we're on!
-God, her mouth turns down really weirdly, doesn't it? Way scarier than i've ever realized.
-"I die." seriously? you say this? please.
-huh! taylor, her "styling assistant," has gotten way more attractive. i wonder if they made her get a makeover before filming. she was the main one i was referring to as grody.
-now she's in her home studio before joy bryant arrives for a fitting. "the studio is where it all goes DOWN!" what, the...getting dressed? how dramatic.
-rachel's voice is unnerving. she doesn't use consonants. "oh my god" turns into "aw mah gaww." "brad, come here" turns into "braaah, cuh heyuh." and her voice goes downward at the end of each sentence. this must be the valley accent 2.0.
-UH OH, taylor is doing some major eye-rolling about tennis-sweater-wearing assistant brad. here comes conflict! thanks for giving us a heads-up, bravo. poor brad, taylor sounds like a bitch and you're adorable. she goes "i can't TELL you what to DO. i can't be BOTHERED." and then adds "but i don't want to be rude or anything." homeboy's like, ummm...ok. aww, he looks like a young, smooth-skinned matt damon. with glasses like in "the talented mr ripley." i think those are the tom ford glasses i love. CUTE.
-ooh, rachel and husband roger are at urth caffe on melrose. i looovve urth caffe and i always hope to see noxious celebs like them there. but so far, my best spotting there is fred durst. eh. they're talking about her venture into her own line, in new york. since obviously you have to go to new york to have branding meetings. roger is Supportive Husband. my boyfriend says he's gay.
-now she and michael kors are drooling all over each other. bravo network friends! 3 minutes into their meeting and rachel has said "DIE. DIE." (as in "i die") about 7 times.
-now back to taylor. good, i enjoy her brattiness. she's describing how crrrazzzy her job is. basically, she has to, like, pick out clothes and prep outfits for clients for events. because that's the job. shocking. actually, what is surprising is how much they have to prep - they even deliver the right undies to go with the outfits for clients. smart! i need a taylor to put the correct undies in a little silk bag attached to each dress in my closet. okthx.
-taylor actually just told brad "ok, i have a new rule. we're not going to talk. i'm going to email you things." was i right, or was i right about rachel's assistants? that girl is horrible!! i do kind of like her loose plaid cowl top, though....
[it's now 10:30, btw. halfway through, kids.]
-oh this is how she does the consultation with Piperlime! they send her boxes of shoes and she says things like "these heels need to be 5 inches taller" or "omg, i didn't know these had crystals! i love! definitely a rachel zoe pick!" apparently, she says, the rachel zoe picks on piperlime sell out in a hour. i have to say, i always agree with her choices on the site. sigh. you win, r-zoe.
-aww, rachel is going to talk to taylor about how mean she is to poor lil brad. YAY. give 'er a lashing, rach! ooh she's taking taylor to dinner for their Big Talk at the sushi roku on west 3rd st. near satine. i never actually went there. somehow being right next to the steve & barry's parking lot took some of the cache away.
-whoa, taylor is trying to be more nice to brad and he is teasing her! "brad, just be quiet. please just be quiet. just stop talking." "tay, are you flipping the bitch switch?" CUTE. bffs 4evs.
-hmm. r-zoe is telling joy bryant she looks "insanity" in a white valentino dress. oh dear. it's too tight across the ole tum. bad move. oh good, she's going with the zac posen with strategic ruffles across the front. phew. rach says "omg. you're literally making me cry in this dress. i die."
-does rachel zoe's bathrobe say "VERSACE" across both pockets?! yes. yes it does.
-hold up. roger's name is actually spelled "rodger?" dear god. also, he has highlights. he and rach are sitting on their his-and-hers marble bathroom countertop talking about deep things.
ok. it's over. i enjoyed that moderately.
oh shit guys! next episode all hell breaks loose! brad does something bad that may involve letting million-dollar dresses get water on them! everyone is crying! AWESOME! stay tuned....
10:00 and we're on!
-God, her mouth turns down really weirdly, doesn't it? Way scarier than i've ever realized.
-"I die." seriously? you say this? please.
-huh! taylor, her "styling assistant," has gotten way more attractive. i wonder if they made her get a makeover before filming. she was the main one i was referring to as grody.
-now she's in her home studio before joy bryant arrives for a fitting. "the studio is where it all goes DOWN!" what, the...getting dressed? how dramatic.
-rachel's voice is unnerving. she doesn't use consonants. "oh my god" turns into "aw mah gaww." "brad, come here" turns into "braaah, cuh heyuh." and her voice goes downward at the end of each sentence. this must be the valley accent 2.0.
-UH OH, taylor is doing some major eye-rolling about tennis-sweater-wearing assistant brad. here comes conflict! thanks for giving us a heads-up, bravo. poor brad, taylor sounds like a bitch and you're adorable. she goes "i can't TELL you what to DO. i can't be BOTHERED." and then adds "but i don't want to be rude or anything." homeboy's like, ummm...ok. aww, he looks like a young, smooth-skinned matt damon. with glasses like in "the talented mr ripley." i think those are the tom ford glasses i love. CUTE.
-ooh, rachel and husband roger are at urth caffe on melrose. i looovve urth caffe and i always hope to see noxious celebs like them there. but so far, my best spotting there is fred durst. eh. they're talking about her venture into her own line, in new york. since obviously you have to go to new york to have branding meetings. roger is Supportive Husband. my boyfriend says he's gay.
-now she and michael kors are drooling all over each other. bravo network friends! 3 minutes into their meeting and rachel has said "DIE. DIE." (as in "i die") about 7 times.
-now back to taylor. good, i enjoy her brattiness. she's describing how crrrazzzy her job is. basically, she has to, like, pick out clothes and prep outfits for clients for events. because that's the job. shocking. actually, what is surprising is how much they have to prep - they even deliver the right undies to go with the outfits for clients. smart! i need a taylor to put the correct undies in a little silk bag attached to each dress in my closet. okthx.
-taylor actually just told brad "ok, i have a new rule. we're not going to talk. i'm going to email you things." was i right, or was i right about rachel's assistants? that girl is horrible!! i do kind of like her loose plaid cowl top, though....
[it's now 10:30, btw. halfway through, kids.]
-oh this is how she does the consultation with Piperlime! they send her boxes of shoes and she says things like "these heels need to be 5 inches taller" or "omg, i didn't know these had crystals! i love! definitely a rachel zoe pick!" apparently, she says, the rachel zoe picks on piperlime sell out in a hour. i have to say, i always agree with her choices on the site. sigh. you win, r-zoe.
-aww, rachel is going to talk to taylor about how mean she is to poor lil brad. YAY. give 'er a lashing, rach! ooh she's taking taylor to dinner for their Big Talk at the sushi roku on west 3rd st. near satine. i never actually went there. somehow being right next to the steve & barry's parking lot took some of the cache away.
-whoa, taylor is trying to be more nice to brad and he is teasing her! "brad, just be quiet. please just be quiet. just stop talking." "tay, are you flipping the bitch switch?" CUTE. bffs 4evs.
-hmm. r-zoe is telling joy bryant she looks "insanity" in a white valentino dress. oh dear. it's too tight across the ole tum. bad move. oh good, she's going with the zac posen with strategic ruffles across the front. phew. rach says "omg. you're literally making me cry in this dress. i die."
-does rachel zoe's bathrobe say "VERSACE" across both pockets?! yes. yes it does.
-hold up. roger's name is actually spelled "rodger?" dear god. also, he has highlights. he and rach are sitting on their his-and-hers marble bathroom countertop talking about deep things.
ok. it's over. i enjoyed that moderately.
oh shit guys! next episode all hell breaks loose! brad does something bad that may involve letting million-dollar dresses get water on them! everyone is crying! AWESOME! stay tuned....
[I DIE.]
9 comments:
OMG. Hilarious. I wish I watched it now... I was against watching it because I despise her too! in other Rachel Zoe obnoxiousness news, in some magazine (Harper's Bazarr?? not sure) they interviewed her and did a comparison shot of her altered to like a size 6 or 8 with the help of padding and computers. And then the big pull-quote was like "I feel so much sexier with curves" or some bullshit like that. Ugh.
She's not allowed to say things like "I die." She already looks dead.
I know, I wonder if "I DIE!" is some sort of subconscious expression of her inevitable raisin fate. Some sort of Freudian-style thing. You can't fool us, R-Zoe.
Exactly my thoughts! Please keep dissecting each show...I love it!
maybe she's just aging naturally, maybe shes not into the botox thing, dont you think?
and shes very talented, it was her attitude, her assistants, the ppl around her, even the way she talks thats gotten her on top of her game, if she wasnt all, she wouldnt have lasted like 15years in the fashion business.
Can this bitch stop wearing furs?
She looks like a famelic skunk!
I got to say, I like her picks, she has style, no doubt, but....I am going to stop watching the show because her use and abuse of fur is passive agressive.
Plus, I cant stand Taylor. She treates Brad so bad, it makes me feel really bad. Despite his nerdiness, I like that guy, he is no evil. And she thinks she is so cool and efficient....
okay, first of all Rachel Zoe is one of the most famous stylist known and there is no doubt that she knows what she's doing. Secondly you should not judge her just because she is skinny, that is her personal problem and why do you care? She's famous because she's amazing at her job. and obviously you don't have one because you sit around and hate on somebody who is actually changing the fashion world. If you can't stand her then don't watch her show, nobody is forcing you. I think you're dumb and need to get a fucking life. and fur can never be over done to whoever said that, you obviously know nothing about fashion. I hate people like you, you're what makes this world horrible and judgemental.
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