Things I Love Thursday

[i love september birthdays, including mine, which went most marvellously. thanks to gala, whose birthday is also in september--go go virgo power--and who thought up TiLT.]

THINGS I LOVE CURRENTLY INCLUDE:

The Proliferation of Fashiony Guys - Skinny shorts, Euro shoes (you know what I mean - canvas boat shoes or tennies or bucks)...I really thought that these trends were runway-only, but I'm shocked to see them actually showing up on the streets. The UK's Daily Mail has noticed too: "Queues at dawn. Frenzied grabbing at the racks. Waiting lists. Hysteria over the latest seasonal It-bag. Welcome to the world of fashion lovers. Except, it's not just the ladies any more: It's the men, too. Fine and dandy: how men are muscling in on the fashion scene." I know this probably gets laughs, but I actually think, whether or not I love skinny shorts (I don't), it's pretty awesome that more guys are finally feeling more OK about showing an interest in their clothes.

[dailymail.uk]

Fabulous Fashion Bloggers - Aww, this Glamour article on fashion bloggers and what they would wear on a first date is adorable (and way stylish, naturally). I was worried that they'd all choose the same kind of outfit with the requisite Nine West Heech sandals, etc., but I was wonderfully wrong. These ladies have some awesome getups. I would totally ask them on second dates. If I were on the first date. And if I dated girls. But anyway, cute Winona from DaddyLikey is in it, and my fave outfit might be that of Nabila from SuperNab.

Britney Looking Hot Again (Albeit Still Trashy) - Thank god the world has returned to its normal orbit after several years of being knocked askew by Britney Spears' tragic descent into total insanity and a pit of Cheetos. Look at her recently! Those familiar old abs are so comforting. That's the slutty star I know and love. I even love her outfit, because it's sort of on the way back to her old ridiculous ways (versus her more recent sweats-and-extensions look during The Crazy Era). The hideous, janky cowboy boots are still hanging around (why does this girl wear the most awful boots - these and a matching darker brown pair were like ALL SHE WORE during Project Insanity), and she should really go investigate what happened to the acres of stilettos she once owned. Homegirl, welcome back. Mad props.

[thanks, us weekly]

What To Wear To Your Own Birthday Party

birthday suit
[william bouguereau, "evening mood."]

As you may have gathered by now, I tend to get surprisingly into dressing for holidays. Not something I'm proud of, but something I show no signs of outgrowing any time soon. I remember as a kid waking up on Christmas/Easter/my birthday and taking way more care than usual to coordinate my red dress and green headband/bunny tee shirt and floral sandals/favorite undies and favorite dress (always a dress for birthdays, DUH). OK, let's be honest, I didn't have to coordinate these on the day of; I'd already have planned it out in my head in bed the night before. Have I changed even one iota since then? Hopefully, I can now resist the red dress/green headband urge (though would Blair Waldorf? perhaps not!), but I definitely have worn an embroidered abstract bunny shirt on Easter in the recent past, and this past Friday morning I still stood in my closet intent on choosing The Right Outfit For My Birthday.
Not for a party or a dinner out or anything, mind - just for going to work. What does it matter what one wears on one's birthday versus any other day? In practical terms, maybe it doesn't. I was actually about to write, "it doesn't matter one bit." But you know, birthdays are our culture's designated days for celebrating you even if you've done absolutely nothing of note, and there's a kind of expectation that it'll be an especially AWESOME and FUN and ENJOYABLE day for the person. So it's really on us to orchestrate our birthday doings so that we don't fail our assignment of having the Best Possible Day. Since what you put on on any given morning affects how you feel all day, the victim of a birthday is forced to calculate exactly which outfit will provide maximum enjoyment.

I was flooded with uncertainty! What to do? Birthdays seem like dress occasions, and I'd just gotten a new dress:

[cheap monday]

But something made me feel kind of silly for wearing a brand-new dress on my birthday. Like that was too obviously a celebratory outfit. Which, though we are supposed to celebrate, would somehow be Dorky and Lame since perhaps one is supposed to pretend that it is only other people celebrating. Plus, I didn't even really care very much about my birthday; I was just succumbing to all the pressure, man.

So what did I do? I remembered Dieu's advice when I was debating between colors to paint a wall: "You like all of them, so whatever you choose, it'll be fine because you'll still like it." Oh. Duh. So I stepped back, realized that while it does matter, it doesn't really matter, and threw on some of my favorite pieces of clothing, old and new, since there was no way they could fail. [I ended up with an exposed-zip pencil skirt, those grey boots and an old cropped jacket.] Lesson learned? Stop stressing and wear what you like (actually, on any day, since wearing stuff that makes you feel good shouldn't be reserved just for birthdays. Any kind of instance where you wonder what you should wear should be resolved by reminding yourself to just wear what you like and you'll end up fine.).

TV Review: Rachel Zoe Invades the Bravo Network

[photo - dailymail.uk]

I am not a fan of celeb stylist Rachel Zoe's at all. When I worked at Satine, her grody, scowling assistant would come clomping in all the time as if she owned the place (I had a secret theory that she got the most unappealing possible assistants just to make her look better when she walked next to them). Plus, the Satine honchos were willing to let Rachel borrow every damn thing in the store if she wanted to, which made for hours of work for the poor salesgirls when the stuff got returned a day or two later. PLUS, I enjoy believing Nicole Richie's claims that "raisin face" Rachel encouraged eating disorders and has one herself.

raisin face.

Despite all of the above, however, I've found myself looking forward to the premiere of "The Rachel Zoe Project" on Bravo tonight. What's she REALLY LIKE? What's the madness behind the magic? Does she eat? Does blood run through her veins? So here I am, stationed on Ye Olde Sofa, ready to embark on a LIVE BLOGGING EVENT as I watch the first episode. I hope I either love or hate it, because it'll give me a new source of brain-squandering pleasure now that "Million Dollar Listing" is ending. I have no shame.

10:00 and we're on!

-God, her mouth turns down really weirdly, doesn't it? Way scarier than i've ever realized.
-"I die." seriously? you say this? please.
-huh! taylor, her "styling assistant," has gotten way more attractive. i wonder if they made her get a makeover before filming. she was the main one i was referring to as grody.
-now she's in her home studio before joy bryant arrives for a fitting. "the studio is where it all goes DOWN!" what, the...getting dressed? how dramatic.
-rachel's voice is unnerving. she doesn't use consonants. "oh my god" turns into "aw mah gaww." "brad, come here" turns into "braaah, cuh heyuh." and her voice goes downward at the end of each sentence. this must be the valley accent 2.0.
-UH OH, taylor is doing some major eye-rolling about tennis-sweater-wearing assistant brad. here comes conflict! thanks for giving us a heads-up, bravo. poor brad, taylor sounds like a bitch and you're adorable. she goes "i can't TELL you what to DO. i can't be BOTHERED." and then adds "but i don't want to be rude or anything." homeboy's like, ummm...ok. aww, he looks like a young, smooth-skinned matt damon. with glasses like in "the talented mr ripley." i think those are the tom ford glasses i love. CUTE.
-ooh, rachel and husband roger are at urth caffe on melrose. i looovve urth caffe and i always hope to see noxious celebs like them there. but so far, my best spotting there is fred durst. eh. they're talking about her venture into her own line, in new york. since obviously you have to go to new york to have branding meetings. roger is Supportive Husband. my boyfriend says he's gay.
-now she and michael kors are drooling all over each other. bravo network friends! 3 minutes into their meeting and rachel has said "DIE. DIE." (as in "i die") about 7 times.
-now back to taylor. good, i enjoy her brattiness. she's describing how crrrazzzy her job is. basically, she has to, like, pick out clothes and prep outfits for clients for events. because that's the job. shocking. actually, what is surprising is how much they have to prep - they even deliver the right undies to go with the outfits for clients. smart! i need a taylor to put the correct undies in a little silk bag attached to each dress in my closet. okthx.
-taylor actually just told brad "ok, i have a new rule. we're not going to talk. i'm going to email you things." was i right, or was i right about rachel's assistants? that girl is horrible!! i do kind of like her loose plaid cowl top, though....
[it's now 10:30, btw. halfway through, kids.]
-oh this is how she does the consultation with Piperlime! they send her boxes of shoes and she says things like "these heels need to be 5 inches taller" or "omg, i didn't know these had crystals! i love! definitely a rachel zoe pick!" apparently, she says, the rachel zoe picks on piperlime sell out in a hour. i have to say, i always agree with her choices on the site. sigh. you win, r-zoe.
-aww, rachel is going to talk to taylor about how mean she is to poor lil brad. YAY. give 'er a lashing, rach! ooh she's taking taylor to dinner for their Big Talk at the sushi roku on west 3rd st. near satine. i never actually went there. somehow being right next to the steve & barry's parking lot took some of the cache away.
-whoa, taylor is trying to be more nice to brad and he is teasing her! "brad, just be quiet. please just be quiet. just stop talking." "tay, are you flipping the bitch switch?" CUTE. bffs 4evs.
-hmm. r-zoe is telling joy bryant she looks "insanity" in a white valentino dress. oh dear. it's too tight across the ole tum. bad move. oh good, she's going with the zac posen with strategic ruffles across the front. phew. rach says "omg. you're literally making me cry in this dress. i die."
-does rachel zoe's bathrobe say "VERSACE" across both pockets?! yes. yes it does.
-hold up. roger's name is actually spelled "rodger?" dear god. also, he has highlights. he and rach are sitting on their his-and-hers marble bathroom countertop talking about deep things.

ok. it's over. i enjoyed that moderately.
oh shit guys! next episode all hell breaks loose! brad does something bad that may involve letting million-dollar dresses get water on them! everyone is crying! AWESOME! stay tuned....

[I DIE.]

Katie Holmes and Me

Hi, kids! I'm back from a self-imposed sabbatical, and I probably have much more meaningful things to blog about than Katie Holmes' invasion of my life (like, oh, Working At MAGIC or My Thoughts On The New Season Of Project Runway or perhaps How To Do Strength Training Using The 20-Pound September Fashion Magazines), but I'm choosing to put those aside for the moment. Because, see, I just can't get over how frequently Katie Holmes is popping up in my brain.

Reason # 1: Her haircut and Suri's are synchronized with my haircut and my friend Erin's.

For the past 6 months or so, I have basically had the same haircut as Katie Holmes (she got it after I did, in case you suspected me of celeb-follower-itis. NO, YOU DOUBTERS, I AM TOTALLY ORIGINAL AT ALL TIMES.) and Erin has basically had the same haircut as Suri Cruise (I assume that Erin also had the cut first, since before that, Suri probably didn't have enough hair to qualify as a "cut").  See below:

 

Recently, both Erin and I changed it up a little bit. Somehow, I now have Suri's current hairstyle* and Erin has morphed into the recently-pixied Katie:

[*is it more disturbing that my haircut is the same as 2-year-old Suri's or that it's the same as my own as a 2-year-old?]

Clearly, Fate has already chosen our Halloween costumes for us this year.

Reason #2: I can't get Katie's pegged jeans out of my head.

The fact that pegged jeans are being called a new trend and that Katie is the poster child makes me want to scream. These pants are hideous. She's photographed wearing them day after day, en route to drama practice for whatever it is she's playacting in, and you'd think she was Kate Moss in the days of the Revolutionary High-Waisted Jean a year or 2 ago. Jesus, people--she looks HORRIBLE!  She's not being trendy, she's just being lazy, HELLO! She probably has some really embarassing stomach problem, is super-bloated right now and is resorting to these awful baggy jeans as a last resort before Juicy Couture sweatsuits. That's truly the only explanation I can come up with for why this fashion abomination is occurring so often on the usually-weirdly-chic Mrs. Cruise. (Did she change her name, btw? I'm not actually sure. I can't imagine that Tommy Boy would've let her get away with retaining something of her own as crucial as a last name, though.)

Barring the bloating possibility, my other theory is that Tom is punishing Katie for having the independence to act in a play by herself (vs. costarring in yet another Tom Cruise Movie) by taking away all her nice jeans and telling her that until she quits Broadway, she can only wear these monstrosities. Little did he know she'd care enough about the theater to relinquish her designer names--which seem generally to substitute for all personal identity at this point for Katie--and trudge back and forth every day in the ugliest jeans ever.  And perhaps Vogue is in on the secret and is doing poor Katie a massive favor by pretending it's a hot new style statement and thereby helping her salvage some shred of dignity. It's failing miserably, but it's a generous thought. Maybe I should take back my criticisms. Or not--they are seriously THE MOST UNFLATTERING PANTS IN THE UNIVERSE. They make her hips and thighs look massive, her legs look stubby, and have that tacky bleached whiskering that was popular among high school girls, oh, eight years ago. And, since it's Katie Holmes, they definitely cost around $200. Tragic.

See how much thought I've given this woman recently? It's pathetic. As kids used to say in middle school, "Get outta my face, girl!"  For realz.  But, um, keep rocking the good haircuts.